Avoiding the Heroine Stupid Juice

Begin rant.

“Too Stupid To Live” is a term that’s tossed around these days concerning a number of female urban fantasy heroines. These are women that, in the real world, would have long died from the stupidity of their own actions.

Often, these are leather-bound “chicks” who refuse to work with anyone, who claim to have people skills but are never shown using them, and who claim to have strategic planning abilities but are only ever seen barging into bad situations and making them a whole lot worse.

I think a heroine who can get along with others (or, at least work with them), is the definition of a strong, smart heroine. I don’t find it a triumph for women’s rights in literature to have stacks of books about women suffering from lone wolf syndrome.

I want to see women lead demon hunting squads. I want to see our heroines in charge of vampire slaying armies. I want to see women making choices that affect more than just their own skins, but the lives of everyone around them.

And I want those blasted heroines to ask for help on occasion, even if it costs her some dignity.

Your heroine might be able to kick down a door and survive a grenade blast. But if she’s constantly doing a Lone Ranger impersonation, as opposed to working with her allies, she starts to come off as stupid.

And the stupid juice has a rather bitter aftertaste.

5 Easy Steps to Request a Review: For Writers

Even though I’ve closed to review requests, I still get several a week. I simply delete them now. Nowhere on this site does it say I accept reviews. My old review site says I’m closed to submissions and that the blog has moved here (where I am closed to reviews). That doesn’t mean I won’t review or recommend; I plan to continue. However, I won’t be taking requests from people anymore.

Still, I have to see all of these requests and there are some huge flaws in the majority of them. I’m not talking typos or missing words; those don’t actually bother me too much. There are so many other issues with the queries to make a missing word at the end of the list.

Since folks are still checking out this blog looking for my email to request a review, so here’s my “make your request better” list.

#1 – Do not assume anything about me.

That means, do not assume I’ll think your book is the next big hit (I get told this in 1 query a month, minimum). Do not assume I will give you a good review.

Do not assume I have a Kindle and offer to gift me your ebook from Amazon. I have a Sony and a Kobo; I want an epub, thanks. Do not assume I will convert the file using Calibre. Why should I? You’re asking me for a favour. And for pity’s sake, don’t argue with me and say I can just read your book on my computer. Um, I have 2 e-readers! I’m certainly not going to read on my computer.

#2 – Do not insult me or my intelligence.

Do not tell me that I’m a “traditional author” and so I’m nothing more than a bottom feeder who has a publisher propping me up while you are a glorious “indie” author who needs a leg up. Um, I’m serious. I’ve gotten this tone, though more passive-aggressive than I’ve worded it. Bottom line: Do not insult me. You are a stranger, asking me a favour. Why should I help you when you insult me?

#3 – Research the blog before sending a request.

That means looking for the review policy. Don’t see one? I generally assume they aren’t interested in taking unsolicited review requests. They say they are booked until March? Then they are booked until March. If they say they only want full-length novels, send them full-length novels and not your novelette.

Book reviewers review because they love to read. Respect their wishes.

#4 – Include vital statistics in your request.

Genre, word count/page count (include both ideally), format(s) available, blurb, who published it. If it’s self-published either say that (if the review policy asks) or just leave it out. Don’t just make up a publishing company name to sound more legit or use your aunt as an agent and have her send the request (didn’t happen to me, but happened to a fellow reviewer).

If you have a sample or a place where the review can read a sample, include a link. Do not just include a link and say “everything is here.”

#5 – Use manners.

It is a sad state of affairs that we still have to include this one. That means you do not tell the reviewer when you want the review done. You do not tell the reviewer you want 4 stars or more. You do not call the reviewer names at any point. You do not link to your bad review on Kindleboards and call the reviewer bad names. You do not get your cadre to go on Amazon and vote down bad reviews.

You will behave like a mature adult. If you cannot do this, do yourself and the world a favour and stop writing.

What to know about a genre? Read it!

WARNING **LANGUAGE**

Now that the Great Self-Publishing Gold Rush has begun, people the world over are asking what books sell the most, so that they can make a quick buck. The most common answers are generally erotica and paranormal romance.

Unfortunately, Bob the author has never read paranormal romance and the only erotica he ever read was the back of porn movie covers. Nevertheless, Bob needs some money for a new roof and why shouldn’t he write paranormal romance and erotica?

For those of us unlucky enough to be on forums with Bob the author, we see questions like this:

• Does the erotica need a plot?
• What should I include in my paranormal romance to make people want to buy it?
• Why won’t anyone buy “John loves cock” or my latest story, “Mary turns her weregoat stepson into a stripper”? The covers have full frontal nudity. Shouldn’t that be enough?
• Anyone can write paranormal romance. It’s just cheesy romance.
• Anyone can write erotica. It’s just porn. I can watch a video and copy down the plot.

First things first. If you can find a porn video with a plot, well done. You’re already further ahead than most.

Second, erotica and porn are not the same thing. Do not ask how to write erotica, when you are actually writing porn. Do not ask how to write erotica if you have never read any. Writing erotica is not as easy as inserting Tab A into Slot B and then the female screams in delight. That’s porn.

So, Bob asks, “Well, what’s the difference?” Well Bob, go read some erotica and leave me the hell alone. I can provide you a list of erotica publishers. “Oh, but I only read indie (read: self-published), and it’s all like this.” I know that there is good self-published erotica out there, so go find that instead of reading “Bruce Turns his Step-Daughter into a Dirty Whore.” (Which, for the confused, is not an erotica title…that’s a porn movie title…though I could argue that the title shows there is a plot).

Same with paranormal romance. Ask what books should be read to learn the genre. Ask what the different between urban fantasy and paranormal romance is. Ask what is considered paranormal as opposed to science fiction (this is surprisingly a very common question). Don’t ask how to write a paranormal romance because your kid needs braces and you are too busy to read any books in the genre!

In the end, there is only one person who suffers: the reader. The reader, yet again, is stuck wading through shit hoping to find something readable.

Write erotica because you want to give it a try. Go ahead. I’m not stopping you, not discouraging you in the least. But don’t ask people who to write it because you are too busy to actually read any. Likewise, don’t ask how to write a paranormal romance (or science fiction, or YA, or whatever) when you’ve never read a book in the genre before, and don’t even like the genre and aren’t interesting in writing something fresh for the genre!

All it does it cheapen the experience for everyone connected to your story, including yourself.

2011 in review: Was it as bad as it felt?

Several times throughout the year, I get a panic attack, where I’m convinced I’ve accomplished nothing. Then, I spend several months scrambling until I collapse. The collapse is followed by two weeks of watching Firefly and The 4400 reruns.

Nevertheless, it’s the end of the year so it’s time to reflect on what I’ve done this year, in between the screaming, the shouting, and the assassinations.

1. A how-to market a fiction ebook (taking common advice and trying it, and reporting results) – I decided to move this to blog posts, but only did one. I’m still figuring out how I want to do it, so it’s going to take a bit. It’s a low priority item.
2. No More Blank Screen – Done!
3. Road to Hell (SF military novel) – Done, Sold, Released
4. Sisip Learns to Shapeshift – 50% done. Needs research and some clean up.
5. Incubator – SF short story about smuggling organs. I’ve decided to completely rewrite it.
6. Dancing Sky – I’ve abandoned this story for the time being.
7. I am not Nancy April – I’ve abandoned this story for the time being.
8. Being Jane. About 50% done. Deciding if it should stay a novella or if it really should be a novel.
9. Spirits Rising – Done. Just waiting for final proofread and will self-publish this.
10. Taxing the Queen. -I’ve abandoned this story for the time being.
11. Bread Soup for Mama(working title) – This is on hold.
12. Where Hope Fears to Tread (working title) – This is on hold.
13. The Tranquility Series – Tranquility’s Blaze has been sold with a mid-Spring release. Tranquility’s Grief lost about 10-15% of the novel in a corrupted file (including the backups), so it’s been delayed a couple months until I get my energy up to rewrite huge sections of the book again.
14. What Kings ate and Wizards Drank – did some research, and wrote the introduction.
15. Self-publish a micro collection of short-short stories called “Becoming Anne.” Done.
16. Self-publish a “2 for 1″ short story combo of Space Sucks and Heaven Inc. Done.
17. On the Labrador Shore, She Waits – Historical fantasy short. Sold.

Are you a writer? Have you had a book go free? I want your data!

There are a lot of questions on the internet concerning the concept of free. I know it works for some people. I’ve seen the numbers. Does it work for everyone? Does it work as great as we think it does? Does it work even better than we think?

I’ve tried to word this survey to be consistent with the types of questions that get asked online. Please let me know if any don’t make sense – I’ll explain and edit ASAP. I’m just trying to get some data compiled to help others.

Notes:

• I don’t care how the book was published. If you had a book and it was free for a while, I want the data.
• I want data across all venues. I don’t want Amazon-specific information, unless Amazon is the only place you sell.
• I encourage everyone to participate even if your sales are very, very low.
• I am only asking for books. To make things easy, I am defining books as 40,000 words or higher, as per SFWA

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RM858JJ

Becoming an author ain’t always easy, folks

I’m really happy to share a post from my author friend Marie Dees:

This is a response to a college age writer who is worried because he loses focus and hasn’t been able to finish writing a novel. His problem isn’t unique and at 20, it’s probably perfectly normal. After all, that’s the age where even I wrote term papers the night before they were due. But becoming a novelist isn’t easy…

I think the problem you need to overcome is actually the one of becoming frustrated. Perhaps you’re expecting too much from yourself too quickly. Many writers don’t realize how difficult it actually is to write a novel through to completion and beat themselves up for running into perfectly normal problems. It’s a bit like deciding to run a marathon and worrying because you feel tired after the first mile. Of course you do. Novels are the marathons of the writing world. They take stamina and you have to build that up through regular writing. They take lots of work. And that’s really the secret answer everyone is looking for but doesn’t really grasp -

Writing a novel is work. Every day, seat in the chair, write when you don’t want to, write until your own words make you want to vomit, work.

Sure, you can outline and brainstorm in advance. There are tons of “questionaire” sheets out on the web for character development and world building and plot outlining. You can try the snowflake method if you want (just Google it). I’ve noticed that many of these are really popular with writers because they do one thing — they let you feel productive while giving you an excuse NOT to write.

You can join lots of forums and writing groups and talk with other writers. I’ve discovered these are very popular because they give writers a chance to be writers because they’re in a writing group. Not because they’re actually accomplishing anything. (Yes, I recognize the irony of saying that on a writer’s forum. It’s not that forums are bad. It’s just that people do use them as an excuse.)

You can get a degree in writing. I’ve worked with writers who wave their degree as proof they’re a writer. I even have the exact same “day job that sucks the soul out of them” job as one writer who can’t finish a novel. I’ve just signed my 4th publishing contract while doing that job. Being a writer goes beyond the college thesis. Oh, I also have an MA in Creative Writing – and I worked full time while earning it. But degrees are a popular way to prove you’re a writer without, you know, writing.

You say you jump in with no idea where you’re going that maybe why you lose focus. It’s possible Except, that’s what I do. Consider this — I start exactly the way you say you start. I write the way you say you write. I’ve signed 7 publishing contracts. The problem isn’t how you start or how you write. It’s that you don’t finish. Only you can fix that.

You can try all sorts of solutions. Or you can just sit down EVERY DAY and make yourself write. Sure, anyone can call themselves a writer. But how successful you are at it is entirely up to you and only you.

My response: 

All I can say to that is AMEN.

I’m lucky. I only work part-time and have the type of job where I can work from home on occasion. So, if I stay up all night writing (or playing Skyrim…oh I wish), I can crawl out of bed at 9am and start work. I have a supportive partner, supportive kids. So, I get a lot of “it must be nice.” And you know what? It is nice. It’s great, in fact.

But I didn’t always work part-time. I used to work a high stress job with homeless people AND worked a part-time job for over a year of the three years I was there. I interned at Bards and Sages for six months. I co-edited four RPG books for Bards and Sages. I was a slush reader for a micro Canadian publisher.

And I still wrote.

In fact, I completed two novel-length manuscripts during that period: Tranquility’s Blaze and Road to Hell. I wrote several short stories. I’ve gone on to sell every single one of what I wrote during that period with the exception of two very short stories (which I self-published). Not only did I write it, I sold it all.

Was it tough? Sure. Did I slack off sometimes? You bet. Did I have to give up video games that I loved? Yup and I still miss them. But, here’s the thing. I could play EverQuest and be a level 90 enchanter or I could be an author. When I was sixteen years old, which did I want more? To be a video game goddess online or be an author?

I wanted to be an author.

And I am one.